How fast time flies. My Raya holiday that almost a week just end. Tomorrow I will be back to the office and continue doing my routine as an employee to my employer. Arghh..I don't want to go back to KL anymore....! I just wanna sit here at my hometown and continue my life as usual. I hate being in KL again. There's so much memories that I cannot erase from my mind.
While having a long holiday for Raya this time, I'd utilize it with relaxing my mind and my spirit. I know my spirit are a bit down lately. I'm trying hard to fight it and chase away all the stress and depression in me. I did not want that moment comes again that make me doing something unexpected again in my life...But I've failed. I just can't chase away all the sadness and the loneliness in me.
Last Ramadhan, I've confess something. The thing that I keep inside me for almost 2 years after that crisis. I cannot keep it by myself anymore. It is not that I want to prove something, but I think there's so much unfinished business between us.
And know what..? That confession is the first time in my life..! I never do that before this. Last time I'd rather keep the silence and let it gone just like that. The outcome of it..I will lose everything without giving the other parties know what's inside my head.
But this time, I'd let it out whatever inside my head. I'd told what I feel and how afraid I am.However, it is too late. Everything will never be the same again. I can't have back whatever I'd lost, and I'd failed to convince people and to make them understand me. I have to admit that no one understand what's I keep inside and no one try to understand it. Only my mother and father knows me.They spoiled me too much that putting me in this situation.
I'm maybe looks old at my age, but my thinking is not like someone at my age. I know that, but I did not know how to be like one..!
I really hope I will be strong and continue my life as usual after this. I will continue searching the way that will make me go back to my hometown for good.
